Daniels, D. & Dion, S. (2018). The Enneagram, Relationships, and Intimacy

Understanding One Another Leads to Loving Better and Living More Fully


Why doesn’t my partner understand me? Why can’t we get along? Why do I always seem to want more from my partner? How can we share more intimacy? Why am I so emotionally inhibited? What tears us apart? What brings us closer together? How to really love? Why do my partner and I express our love so differently?

This is an innovative, easy-to-read, compelling relationships book that will answer those questions and more. Falling in love is what we all dream about. Sustaining that love is the deal breaker. We can’t sustain something we don’t fully understand, that we don’t know how to nurture, that we don’t know how to develop and grow. Let this unique book take you on a journey into yourself and into others — into journey that will change your life.

“Our First Love Story” begins with how early childhood attachment relationships impact our personality’s development, and, how that development shapes the relationship we’ll come to have with ourselves and the love we can experience with others. These understandings can shift our relationships from unwanted struggle to much wanted fulfillment. Let the wisdom of the Enneagram as it meets Dr. Daniel J. Siegel’s groundbreaking mindful awareness make a difference in your life. Learn how and why an openhearted, receptive way of relating fills us with love and grace in lieu of fear and defendedness, and changes the very experience we’ll have of love itself.

Written by David Daniels, M.D., Clinical Professor Emeritus Stanford Medical School and Suzanne Dion, certified Enneagram teacher, this book brings their shared passion for human development, healthy relating, and the Enneagram system to understanding one another, loving better, and living more fully. The authors fluidly combine the biology of relationships, the anatomy of love, and the structure of personality to provide incisive insights needed to build loving relationships all the way to necessary and desired change, as needed, in our intrapersonal life as well as in our relationships.

Bringing this book to life was the passionate focus of much of David’s time, exploration, and thought the last many years of his life and was an honor for co-author Suzanne Dion to see through to completion. Suzanne brings her work as an Enneagram teacher and coach and her deep study of early childhood trauma’s impact on developing our capacity to bring a full self, and more vulnerable self, to relationships. Within it holds David and Suzanne’s endearing understanding of being human, our deep need for self- and other-compassion, and a devotion to contributing to a more loving world.


  • The nine Enneagram types and David’s Tips for Growth.
  • Intimacy with self as the secret to intimacy with others.
  • Early Attachment— our first love story.
  • The contributory ways that we’re wired via instincts and personality type.
  • Three centers of intelligence and the three mammalian aversive emotional systems.
  • What tears us apart? What brings us together?
  • The conditional love of type and how it impairs our ability to love.
  • How understanding sexuality and our biases impacts our more intimate relationships.
  • The nine Enneagram types and sexuality — nine ways we either diminish or enhance intimacy and fulfillment.
  • The 5As for development and practice — Awareness, Acceptance, Appreciation, Action and Adherence.
  • The 27 instinctual personality sub-types and how they impact the Enneagram and relationships.


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