It’s over now, stupid!

Two days ago I made a clear-cut end to a relationship of heaven and hell. 💔😥 Moreover, before I went out of bed this morning I had two profound insights. The first was that I could sense in that early moment of the day that the outside world appeared intrinsically friendly to me. Which may sound strange for someone who isn’t an introvert, but I assume it can make some sense to many of those who are. The second insight was that two related dreams I had some time ago in regards to the relationship finally made a perfect sense to me: Both of them predicting a clear-cut end. But until then there had also been an initial interpretation that was more mystical, more interesting and profound: We would meet again in another dimension; in the dimension of tranquil consciousness.

Of course, the first mentioned interpretation is a retrospective and confirming meaning-construction of the dreams, now when I can relate them to the existing clear-cut outcome. And as a matter of fact, in my previous attempts to interpret them I could never reach a clear conclusion of any kind — I just had to give up, leaving it for the future. Maybe due to my will that refused to accept an end since we both had put such a hard effort and had made great sacrifices for the relationship during ten months or so — deep emotions, daily concern, numerous reoccurring conflicts, endless patience, oceans of time, a big sum of money, a long over-sea journey, and family members who cared about us.

But as stated, this morning suddenly the entire world seemed to be a friendlier place to be in. No way the normal deep and tragic romantic within me could expect such a peaceful insight so soon after a breakup; the normal for me in such a situation would be an intense misery. But on the other hand, maybe this was what the initial interpretation of the dreams were pointing at; that both of us would reach peace of mind?

Thus, this post is not a rant about my ex and how bad a person she is, because she is not bad. Quite the contrary, I wish her the very best and will for the rest of my life bear the memory of her close to my heart. And anyways, I would never expose my love life or another living person in public writings like this, since to me that’s a matter of integrity and respect.

So I am sorry, there will be no mucky details. Furthermore, this is not about her — it’s about me. But it is also about MyEvo, because after a long period of silence — in fact as long as the relationship lasted — I can continue with my writings here and the further overall development of the platform. Moreover, I can add into my writings more insights that occurred during the relationship; from within it as well as without it.

One insight stems from meeting another psyche/personality type/temperament/culture with more access to Red in it (hence Spiral Dynamicly speaking) than what is usual for the Swedish culture and me as a person. The one most important lesson that I learned was that too much open mindedness of engaging in it can be harmful to both soul and body; at least for a previously burnout and thus long-term traumatized survivor like myself.

That being said, there may be some risks to take into account as being a curious integral explorer, eager to integrate descended stages in ones psyche as they get provoked. Especially when it comes down to an intimate relationship, which also of course contains other more attractive and juicy parts – implying an obvious risk for intense inner conflicts regarding values and therefore emotions. Moreover, (Red) rage can be a dangerous force that must be contained or transmuted one way or the other before it crosses essential lines; as being the most transmittable emotion within and between nervous systems.

That being said, after the most intense argumentation we had, my autonomous nervous system eventually had an uncontrollable shutdown. Which in trauma therapy language translates into a freeze response. I was lucky to fully recover the shutdown in a couple of days, thanks to the trauma autotherapy methods I have developed. In part with inspiration from EDMR therapy, which includes eye movements while reliving the related trauma.

Another eye dependant (but not only) method comes from Peter Levine and his school of somatic experiencing, in which the connection to a safe social environment and thus friendly and supportive faces play a crucial role (in combination with the body’s own capacity) to heal traumatic events. Which thus is an exercise in extraversion — take note if you are more of an introvert yourself! And that was actually what preceded the intense insight I had this morning as my extraverted awareness was concentrated on eye vision — feeling the genuine friendliness of the environment, instead of falling down deep into endless introverted rumination and feelings of loss, anger, sadness and grief from a lost relationship and the breakup process.

Well, there are more insights to write about — for another day. But before I close this post I hereby announce that this is the first issue of a series of blog posts that will have a corresponding title of ”It’s _____, stupid!” And yes, they may open up for more multilingual content on MyEvo in the future, as well as content about trauma healing. Finally, I would also like to declare that I do still care for my ex very much and sincerely hope that she finds healthy ways to cope with the breakup as well as other things that may trouble her.🙏❤️

All that being said, the long silence is over now, stupid. 🙃 Until next time; ¡hasta luego, chicos y chicas! 🤩